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“It’s like a depraved three ring circus for sports fans.” – Zero

JB’s Big Xfinity Adventure

Copy-editing by Zero lives

The Scenario:
Stanley Cup Playoffs. Flyers vs. Penguins. The Flyers were winning the series 3 games to none. Enter game 4: Flyers have a chance to sweep. Philadelphia sports fan tension is running high.

I wanted to be at the game but playoff tickets were overpriced and hard to come by. I thought to myself, ‘If I can’t be at the arena, what’s the next best place to be’? A frightening and silly word popped in my head: Xfinity…shortly followed by Live!. Zero and Clutch were off wandering around Philly “reviewing” another bar. Probably two beers short of a happy meal. I called my friend Tribal. Yeah, that’s right. I’ve got other friends sometimes! Tribal picked me up and we were off to the Mecca of Philly sports bars. As we crossed the bridge a sea of cars were spilling orange and black out the windows; some even frantically waved broom sticks out the windows. Their purpose? To see the Flyers put an old time thrashing on the Penguins.

We parked in the cheapest lot we could find, $5. As Tribal and I made our way towards Xfinity the sea of orange and black grew with every step. We were moving deeper and deeper into Flyers territory and were lucky enough to be wearing the right colors. A bold Penguins fan strolled by with his head lowered to avoid heckling. Someone in the distance shouted “BOOOO”, or maybe it was me. We’ll never know.

Xfinity was finally in sight. Tribal and I joined the armies of other Flyers fans waiting in line to enter. I finally took a second to look around, not at the city skyline in the distance, or the three amazing sports arenas surrounding Xfinity. No, I had to look at the people around us. Why? Because with each passing woman I saw, I realized they were all 10s. None of that five 2s make a 10 business. Genuine perfect 10s. I had to text Clutch and Zero. “Get your asses to Xfinity Live…10s everywhere. (emoji fork and spoon) -JB”.

We made our way through the pearly gates of sports heaven’s front lawn. There was commotion all around us. To the right, bros were living out their pro football fantasies by tossing around a pigskin on a mini football field; to the left, a stage with cover music blaring. Upon closer inspection, I realized the Rockets (a local cover band) were playing. “Ugh,” I thought, “not the f’ing Rockets!” Listening to them was as appealing as taking a potato peeler to the inside of my leg. It seemed like a bad omen for the night to come but we pressed on anyway.

The large glass front doors were just ahead, but a maze of velvet ropes stopped us. Questions raced through my mind. How the hell do we get in? Was there a cover? Were they full? I must have looked confused because a massive security guard came over to help. He pointed in a direction and barked “Move along!” We navigated the labyrinth and were greeted with a glorious sight. Bars everywhere, each with a different theme. I thought there’s no way I’d be able to check them all out in one night. Then I remembered that I’m JB and I make things happen.

It was an 90 minutes before game time as I stared down my improbable task, an impromptu, indoor pub crawl. How can I check out every mini-bar in Xfinity before game time? Forget thinking, I needed to get started. First up? Pro Bull Riding Bar & Grill. I had heard there was a country themed bar with a mechanical bull. It was time to check out the drunks trying to ride it. The bar was right in front of me, yet so far away at the same time. People were everywhere. Luckily, there were shot girls in sexy chaps and beer tubs all around Pro Bull Riding. A sexy beer girl helped me order a round of beers. Two for myself, and two for Tribal, $20. (As the rule states, when you can’t easily get to the bar, double fist.)

I checked my phone wondering where Clutch and Zero were. Then I realized there was drinking to be done. I found a great spot to see some expert bull riding. At least that’s what the riders thought it was. Each person who challenged the bull promptly met their demise after a solid spin or a hefty buck from the mechanical beast. Then it happened. A frustrated cowboy fought the bull with his face and lost. After a solid five minutes of laughing Tribal and I made our to the NBC Sports arena bar.

A mysterious glow from the sky surrounded us. I slowly looked up to see the most awesome thing ever. A monstrous 32 foot television. It didn’t matter where we stood to watch the game; We’d probably be able to see this thing from the bathrooms. Flyers cheers erupted from all over the bar. It was almost game time, and my fears were realized: my mini pub crawl inside Xfinity was ending incomplete. The crowd was getting rowdy and I could barely move around; Tribal elbowed a few people to make some room. A camera panned over the crowd, broadcasting the sea of orange on the giant T.V. and the crowd erupted with more noise than I thought was possible. Just then I got the text I was waiting for. Zero finally got back to me. “Miserable bastards said it’s at capacity. We’re drinking else where!” It was just going to have to be yet another #jbislost kind of night.

Game time was finally upon us. I made friends with every Flyers supporter around us; we were ready to celebrate a sure fire victory by the Fly Guys. Boy were we in for a lot of disappointment. If the liquor flows like water when things are going well, the floodgates were opened to drown the sorrows with this spanking we were watching. We disgustedly made haste toward the exits, but not before snagging a few admirers on the way out. A gorgeous little thing named Barbie invited us out for some post-game entertainment. “Where ya’ll going?” she asked in a high pitched voice. “Home,” Tribal grunted at her. She wasn’t impressed with our answer at all. She demanded we head to the Penthouse Club and drop her name at the door to get in free of charge. We turned to one another, with that “Why not?” look on our faces, gave a nod, and well, the rest is history.

The bottom line:

Hours:  11 a.m. – 2 a.m.
Crowd:  Touristy | Casual | College
Music: DJs | Background
Price range:  $$
Accepts Credit Cards:  Yes
ATM: Yes
Dance floor:  No
Outdoor area: Yes
Coat check: Yes

Xfinity Live was a blast to go to. They have several bars and restaurants, each with a different theme: from western style to craft brewery beers to upscale casual dining. They even have a memorabilia shop for all your Philly sports collectible needs. There’s NEVER a cover to get in, and the beers are moderately priced for the sports complex area (and definitely cheaper than buying drinks in the arena). You can find Happy Hour specials every night, and most Thursdays, you’ll see a DJ spinning live. Overall, a great place to go if you want to party with fellow Philly sports fans or just to grab a bite to eat after work.

 

Xfinity Live!

http://xfinitylive.com/

100 Pattison Ave.
Philadelphia, PA 19148

 

Map!

Yup. A map.

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